Why Are People Born With Hands?

Silly question? Possibly…. but maybe my theory can elaborate a bit more. Hand gestures can send signals positively or negatively. For example, we spread love by representing the peace sign or holding a loved ones hand. This makes others feel content and comfortable with everyday life. For the ones who are dependent on sign language (language through hand movements) it is important we interact with them correctly. Deaf or not, hand gestures make people listen to you. We are born with no knowledge of how to speak so we use them to interact with others. On the other hand, we stick up our middle fingers or possibly even strike someone when they anger us. Why do we choose to intimidate others in harmful ways? Does it always prevent them from committing the same acts that frustrate us? We are quick to judge that these type of people are crude and disrespectful, but we don’t know how they were raised. Obviously this doesn’t give them an excuse to injure others, but they may feel it helps them get their point across. Depending on one's environment at home while growing up, they may be influenced by their family/guardians by the way they treat their surroundings and other people.  

A brief poem I analyzed recently named, “A Mother’s Tale”, by Ai explains a mother's advice to her son (Juanito) who is about to become a newlywed. We quickly learn that she had a rough past with her husband considering she gashed his face with a pocket knife due to him dancing with another woman. The story wasn’t detailed enough to determine who the woman actually was, and if the man actually deserved it. Most people who read this may just find the mother psychotic. I personally believe the mother was showing her true colors and strength in this piece to show her son that women are willing to fight their battles. Of course I don’t agree her action was correct to do so. She claims that he must show authority in his relationship by engaging in domestic violence or else the wife may feel obligated to. His wife must contain the “knowledge that she is alive because of you” (even though I’m pretty sure women give birth to humankind but what do I know right). The issue here is that the mother is basing her experiences on possible real life scenarios that may happen to Juanito when we all know every relationship flows differently based on the two peoples personalities. I don’t know, I mean clearly this woman has a lot of trust issues to want to stab their loved one in the cheek. Hopefully Juanito has some common sense and doesn’t retain the information provided by his mother for his future marriage.

“Like A Winding Sheet”, by Ann Petry also represents a story based on domestic violence. An interesting recognition in the story is that it takes place on Friday the thirteenth so we know sh*ts about to go down. The narrative explains a couple who lives together in the early 1900s and both work in a factory due to their skin color. The main character, Johnson, is shown as a hard-working and drained individual who is at first very respectable towards his wife, Mae. After a long day of being reminded he isn’t privileged due to his skin color, he feels very triggered and upset when he arrives home. We learn that he has the urge to hit others that disrespect him, but he doesn’t actually go through with it. On top of that, his wife calls him a racial slur as they are about to eat dinner together and he immediately backfires by harming her. This was clearly unexpected, but we soon learn that Johnson must have had some sort of influence to want to commit such an act on Mae.

The National Intimate Partner and Sexual Violence Survey states that “more than one-third of women and one in 12 men have experienced intimate partner violence in their lifetime” (domesticshelters.org). Hurting others is only setting themselves up for disaster in the long run. These people will never know what real love feels like if they are constantly being reminded that they have no self-worth. We must come together and help prevent others from constantly getting abused because no one deserves it. If you know someone going through this, please get them assistance because you may be their only help. A person in an abusive relationship is most likely too intimidated to receive the help they need themselves. It is sad that some people in our society and media portray domestic violence as beneficial to a relationship, but we must realize and explain to others that it is not valuable to any type of relationship whatsoever. Use your hands to spread love and peace, not conflict.

Priscilla Z.

What Kind of World

What kind of world are we living in? What kind of world has a mother telling her son that he MUST beat his wife? What kind of world has a mother using religion as reasoning for this behavior? What kind of world?

In "The Mother's Tale" by Ai, a mother instills in her son the idea that religion states that a man must beat his wife to remind her that he is the reason she is alive. Despite how utterly outrageous such a claim is, there are surely people in this world who honestly share the same belief. I know for a fact that some will just blame this on religious extremism but those are probably the same people who make excuses for those who commit other crimes from stealing to sexual assault and everything in between.

Juanito's mother describes one incident where she was violent with him by telling the story of when  "...there was a ballroom in Lima where...your father danced with another woman and I cut him across the cheek with a pocketknife," showing she also had a violent streak to her. While these actions would be glorified by some on twitter, with people saying just how much of a badass she was for going at him for cheating on her, a sensible human being would see that those kinds of physical actions are warning signs in themselves.

But still, she goes on to ask a pretty valid question: "how free is a woman?" Technically: as free as a man. Realistically: not so much. But instead of going on a rampage about how women are restricted by society's hypersexualization of literally ANYTHING they do, she starts talking about ... sin?

And somehow "Eve's sin" is a man's free pass to beat his wife whenever the hell he feels like it? His MOTHER is telling him that his WIFE must know that he can TAKE !! HER !! LIFE !! "more easily than she creates it." IN WHAT WORLD?

"It's a generation gap !! No one actually believes this now !!" someone's probably yelling at their screen. Y'all if I've learned anything in my life it's that some people will believe ANYTHING that's told to them by an elder family member. And to some, if that means beating your wife in the name of the Good Lord then so be it. 

Even with the amount of Bible references made throughout this entire poem, anyone who believes in the tellings of the Bible would also realize that Hey !! Violence is bad !! It can kill people !! and Hey !! The seventh commandment is "Thou shalt not kill." !!!!!

Under no circumstances, in the name of no one ever, is it acceptable to physically abuse anyone.It scares me to think that we live in a world where mothers, fathers, grandmothers, grandfathers, ANYONE can be telling a loved one that they should be beating their loved one in the name of religion. That's not religion that's evil. And anyone that goes through with it is just as evil. If you're willing to do that in the name of religion what else are you willing to do? Some of the most "famous" atrocities to mankind have been blamed on religious beliefs.

Using "excuses" such as religion to do something as atrocious as physically abuse someone you claim to love, or anyone, to be honest, doesn't make you a "good" person. It doesn't make you someone who "follows the rules" of your religion. You are making a conscious decision to commit those acts. It makes you no better than some of the evilest human beings to exist in history. You literally have to RATIONALIZE your actions with religion. What does that tell you?

Some may say that there is more good than evil in the world but I don't and just can't bring myself to believe that anymore. Hearing the stories of friends, family members, friends of family members, and family members of friends who have been in situations where abuse either took or almost took a life or where it tore families apart has convinced me that despite what good is out there, there are too many forms of evil. 

This poem has shown me that some of this evil isn't born, it's made. Most evil is. Some parents instill these insane beliefs into their children and their children are stupid enough to believe them, again a conscious decision on their part.

And even then, as the mother from Ai's "A Mother's Tale," has shown, it isn't just men who are always doing the beating. Women have just as much capability to be violent and excuse it with "I was being cheated on!" That's no excuse to hit anyone??? The worst part is that most people won't leave an abusive relationship out of fear either for their lives or the lives of others they love. People get away with this. People die from this. And more people in your life may be suffering from it than you know.

What kind of world are we living in? The kind that makes excuses for vile and life-threatening behavior. The kind that "rationalizes" this behavior, that rationalizes DOMESTIC. ABUSE. with anything that might work in getting the other party to keep quiet. The kind that barely and rarely does anything to help victims of abuse.

 

- Julissa G

Domestic abuse hotline: 800-621-4673